Dear Diary
by TheBlondeWhoWaited
Summary: She always signed her diary with a single smiley face. It was her personal sign of hope. That tomorrow's entry would be better and a more exciting read.
1. Chapter 1

Phoebe sighed as she minimised the internet and stared at her essay. She was 75 words in, she only had 925 to go. But her mind was drawing a blank. Her eyes switched towards the clock. It was already past midnight.

"Fuck this." She whispered to herself. She turned in her chair, got up and made her way to the door. Hoping that one of her other flatmates would still be up. As she stood in the empty hallway of her university dorm she listened, trying to hear any signs of movement. After a few minutes she returned to her room and locked the door behind her. No one was up. During a tired yawn Phoebe retrieved a plain green book from her second drawer and sat back at her desk.

"_Dear Diary, _

_So here we are, two days before my deadline for John's essay and I still can't figure out how to relate the performance of "True West" that we saw at the lyceum to this century. Thinking I should take the easy option and basically plagiarise a Great Gatsby essay I can find on google. You know? The decline and disillusion of the American dream? _

_Anyway it's about half past twelve, and I only have about 80 words. I'm so fucked. _

_I need to get better at this being a university student stuff." _

_Phoebe :). _

She always signed her diary with a single smiley face. It was her personal sign of hope. That tomorrow's entry would be better and a more exciting read. Knowing that she should go and sleep Phoebe clicked open the internet once again and started to scroll through Facebook. Every time she logged in and scanned the timeline, full of the people who claimed to be her friends, Phoebe couldn't help but feel sick. Not a ill feeling, that kind of sick that you feel in the depths of your stomach. Like you have no energy to move or even speak, all she could do was keep tapping the down arrow. It made her feel completely alone. Phoebe always tried to be happy and positive, but if she was honest, she had those "sick moments" quite a lot. Every time it was because she was reading about her "friends" the people she had met at university and the ones she had left at home. Everyone else seemed to have a sense of control in their life. They were moving forward. They were happy.

Once she had reached the bottom of the page, Phoebe gave up and lowered the laptop screen. Her head tilted towards her book shelf. She had quite a lot of books, but she had only read one or two. She was always telling herself that she would start another book tonight, or actually finish one she had started but never picked up again. For some reason the books remained on the shelf.

She grabbed her phone, which was plugged into it's charger on the wall and sunk into her bed. It was now one in the morning. Phoebe could feel her eyes beginning to itch with tiredness. She typed out a text.

"_I do love you. Even though you are smelly. Goodnight. Yes I do realise you will be already sleeping and will get this message in the morning. So in that case, good morning? Haha x"_

She smiled as her phone flashed "message sent". Then she turned on her side and closed her eyes, starting to finally give in and drift off. Her phone vibrated in her hand. For a small moment she almost thought her boyfriend, Chris has actually messaged her back, but it was just an email for her lecturer. It was labelled "Changes to tomorrow's lecture." Phoebe sat up in bed, and opened the email.

"_Dear students,_

_unfortunately tomorrow I will be absent from your lecture and practice session as I have fallen ill. I do apologise but have arranged with the university for a guest lecturer to take your session tomorrow. Please have the work I asked you all to prepare with you, and please note a register will be taken so I know who attends in my absence. _

_My apologises again. _

_Kate. _

That was typical. Kate was always emailing late the night before a lecture, either cancelling or adding more work that she wanted done. But this was the first time that there would have been someone there to replace her. Taking note Phoebe pressed down on the lock button of her phone and sunk back into bed and sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Phoebe felt her phone vibrating under her stomach before she heard the dreaded ring. In the split second she had between the vibrate and ring she flung her bed covers in the air and reached for her phone. Swiftly switching the alarm off. Her attention was then drawn to the time. It was half past 7.

Phoebe sat for a moment, debating to get out of bed or not. If she got back up in an hour she would have 45 minutes to get ready and get to her lecture. Considering that she lived on campus in the dorms she decided to take the risk. Even though she practised this routine every single morning Phoebe still switched on her half past seven alarm each night in hopes that one day she would have an early morning.

She fell back into the comfort and warmth of her bed. She didn't have to think about class, not for another hour at least.

Coffee in one hand, phone in the other and with her bag hanging over her right shoulder Phoebe stood on the ground floor of her dorm block. Waiting for her sometimes friend Cathy to arrive. It was already five past nine and she was getting worried. Phoebe didn't like being late, so instead she was always early by at least ten minutes. That way she had a gap of time to chill out. But yet again Cathy was cutting it fine. Their lecture was in ten minutes.

Just as she was about to turn and leave for class Cathy came running down the stairs, folder in hand and out of breath. She had some ill fitting leggings on, the colour was fading from them. She matched this with what Phoebe only assumed used to be a cream coloured zip jumper and some hideous ugg boots. Her hair greasy, clearly unbrushed and shoved back into a lose bun. Cathy was always one for comfort.

"Sorry! I Switched my alarm off so got up late."

Typical Cathy, Phoebe held in a frustrated sigh and smiled, "that's okay. Come on".

On the way to the lecture Cathy chatted about her weekend and it's events. Phoebe chipped in here and there with some generic advice or common sense. This was pretty much the basis of all their conversations. It irritated Phoebe a little, she had always been the type of person who loved conversations. There was nothing better than two friends and a cup of tea, chatting away into the night. Even though she liked Cathy, and she did. She was left unimpressed with her. Phoebe felt bad about that, so always tried an extra bit harder with her friendship with Cathy. Something that wasn't reciprocated.

They finally got to the gathering of students outside lecture hall and the usual morning "hello's" and "how was your weekend?" commenced. Each time she was asked Phoebe automatically replied, "Oh nothing much. Just work" which was technically true. She did attempt it. Then the older students from nursing or some other degree course came flooding out of the lecture hall, each Monday this happened and there was an awkward muffled chatter as the two groups pasted each other. As soon as the door way was clear the drama students piled in the hall themselves.

Normally Cathy and Phoebe would march straight to the back of the hall, it was easier to hide from Kate up there. But today they were nearer the end of the pile so had to settle for the dreaded front row.

"Oh god, here we go" Cathy grunted as they sat and got their folders out.

"What?" Phoebe replied almost absently.

"This is when we get asked all the questions." She said, throwing her book down.

"Well, yeah" Phoebe countered, " but it's Shakespeare this week" she said pulling her copy of " The Complete Works of Shakespeare" from her bag.

"anyway, it'll help with the production group project. You know? Cause we're doing Midsummers?" she continued.

Cathy's eyes widened in panic, "shit, did you guys agree on that play like?"

"Well, yeah" Phoebe answered, sightly annoyed. "Didn't you read the email I sent out?"

"Nah. Sorry production manager. I'll get it from you later, promise." Cathy said, her eyes suddenly caught the young man walking into the hall.

Phoebe followed her gaze and found the young man too. At first Phoebe just assumed he was one of those American exchange students that the university had over for second semester. But he just stood in front of the class rocking back and forth on his feet and swinging his arms by his sides, waiting for the attention of the class. Smiling, Phoebe noticed his smile, she was caught off by how genuine it seemed.

"Third year." Cathy whispered.

Phoebe turned to her and frowned her face a little, "what?"

"bet you any money, he's a third year doing drama too. That's why Kate's got him in"

Phoebe turned back to have a further look. The man was certainly young enough to be in third year and he did have a sense of knowledge about him.

"Maybe" she replied not turning away from the man.

The man began to speak as soon as the class resorted to a hushed whisper.

"Right, Okay. Hello" he raised his hand and waved then grabbed it with the other and placed it by his side again, looking rather nervous and embarrassed. "So, drama, eh? Shakespeare, The Bard. To be or not to be? Eh?" he continued, still with his smile and awkward manner. He lunged toward Phoebe and Cathy in the front row, his hands landing on her book.

"Sorry do you mind if I borrow this? I left mine..at home." he asked.

Phoebe threw a look at Cathy before nodding in agreement. The man's smile increased a little and his eyes looked Phoebe's face up and down.

"thank you" he said backing away book in hand.

"Okay class, let's talk Hamlet."


	3. Chapter 3

"_And with this directorial style, True West shows how the idea of the American Dream is nothing more than an idea." _

Phoebe smiled. She had finally finished her essay. It had only taken her most of the night. She glanced over at the clock, it was only half past ten, still early. While clicking the print bottom Phoebe found herself being drawn to Facebook once more. She opened up the internet and began scrolling through. Most of tonight's posts referred to the essay. Some were more vague, and of course there was a handful of "like for a paragraph" type statuses. Nothing really interesting was taking place in the land of social networking.

The beep from the printer prompted her to get up and retrieve her essay. The library was nearly empty. There was a few Ph.D. students in the research study room. Phoebe had a look in as she passed on her way to the printer. The study rooms in the Lrc all had glass walls and doors. It reminded her of the cell Loki got put in during The Avengers film. It always made Phoebe self conscious walking past the rooms, if she could look in, people could just as easily look out. She quickly made her way to the printer, pretending to look at books along the way. After walking through the lrc and making her way back to her computer she noticed a blue message box had popped up on Facebook.

"_Phoebe, what the fuck? If you didn't want to be my friend fine. But just so you know NO one messes with me, bitch."_

That sick feeling began rumbling deep inside her chest. Cathy wasn't happy with her. Phoebe began to panic, what had she done?

"_Cathy, I don't understand? Have I done something? I'm sorry If I have."_

"_Oh god, please. I know that you're going to move in with Jemma okay? I don't even care. I knew you would. Everyone has been saying how you had suddenly got close to her and are leaving me out, so fuck you. Do what you want."_

The sickness was clawing it's way up through Phoebe's throat. She didn't understand why Cathy was angry with her.

"_What do you mean leaving you? I told you I didn't know what I was doing next year house wise. So what you don't like the fact I have made a new friend? Am I not allowed to be friends with you both? I didn't mean to make you feel left out I am sorry. Honestly I am."_

"_Yeah? Well shove your apology. No one really likes you anyway. Just wait till Jemma dumps you then you'll have no one. Look I don't want to fall 0ut but if I forgive you nothing will be the same" _

She couldn't deal with it. After reading the last message Phoebe closed down Facebook, grabbed her things are ran to the bathroom, trying to hold in the tears. Once there she collapsed on the floor and let it all out. She didn't understand what she had done to upset Cathy. But then she didn't understand why she felt guilty. Her need to please everyone she met was ruining her. Phoebe picked up her phone and wrote out a text.

"_so apparently Cathy doesn't like the fact I am your friend, and I am sitting her crying my eyes out because I am fucking pathetic like that and just want to have one fucking friend who actually likes me. :(" _

After a few minuets she had a reply.

"_Cathy is just being a cunt. Ignore her. You do have a friend that likes you, a lot. Now wesht. Where are you? Upstairs? I'll come up with tea." _

"_Give me ten, I'm in the lrc getting my essay finished." _

Phoebe started to calm down a little. She had to learn how to not care about people that didn't care about her. But the more she thought about the whole situation the more she felt sorry for Cathy. From what she had told Phoebe she didn't exactly have the best childhood, but then Phoebe always had her suspicions about that.

The university building and the student halls were right next to each other so it only took Phoebe around 5 minuets to walk back to the flat. It was a nice night, the air was cool and the sky was clear. She decided to take a minuet for herself, so she headed down to the pond that lay at the bottom of the university.

Phoebe sat with both her feet paddling in the water, it was cold but she didn't mind. She watched as some ducks swam further up the pond away from her. She got a sense of calmness in that moment. The argument with Cathy now seemed so pointless, she was only going to have to see Cathy for the next 3 years, maybe 2 if she decided to transfer abroad for 3rd year. If she could get through university and move on she wouldn't have to deal with any of Cathy's drama any more. 3 years was nothing compared to the rest of her life.

"Sorry, but are you meant to have your feet in there?"

Phoebe recognised the voice, but couldn't remember a name. She turned her body round slightly to see who it was. It was the suspected third year from today's lecture. Shit.

"Oh, erm. Sorry are we not meant too? I just. I kind of needed it." She stumbled over the words.

The man looked back at the university building, then back to Phoebe raising an eyebrow and smiling. To her surprise he sat down beside her, taking his shoes off and placing his feet beside hers in the water. He flinched a little from the cold. Phoebe couldn't help but stare at the man confused.

"So you're not a proper lecturer then" She said confidently, turning her head back towards the water below.

"I could be. What makes you think I am not?" The man said, almost sounding offended.

Phoebe raised one foot out of the water and wiggled her toes at the man. They both laughed, then Phoebe realised how childish she must have looked so plunged her foot back in the water.

"So why did you need it?" He asked.

Phoebe turned back to face the man. She hesitated, not knowing if she should tell the man she had just met about the fact she felt completely suffocated by the people who were supposed to be her friends and how she seemed to mess up everything. She shook her head.

"No it's fine. Just a rough day."

The man frowned a little, his gaze fixated on her. It was as if he knew she was lying and was trying to work out what the problem was.

"Sorry, I have to go." Phoebe said abruptly, getting up and grabbing her things. She turned away from the man and started to make her way back to the flat.

"I'm The Doctor, by the way." She heard behind her. Finally a name to the face, but it wasn't what she was expecting.

"So you are a lecturer then?" She asked, now even more embarrassed about the toe wiggling. The Doctor just continued to smile at her.

"Well, I'm Phoebe. By the way" She said. She felt a smile beginning to form on the edges of her lips.

"Night." She said, turning away once more and running back to her flat.


End file.
